3 of Swords

The repercussions of this week’s energy were much more powerful than I had anticipated. I usually write these LunaScope forecasts a bit before the energy shows up, and in some ways I have wondered if I am “manifesting” the resulting experiences because of this, but this week I missed my before window.  This may have been resistance on my part part due to the nature of the card for this week, the 3 of Swords. In any case, I experienced the 3 of Swords almost as literally as I could without there being actual swords involved. 

In traditional Tarot decks, this card shows a heart, bleeding and completely driven through by three swords. The back ground is stormy and dark. 

I have come to understand this as the thoughts, beliefs, and ideas that wound our hearts and keep us from being able to love ourselves and others, or more painfully, let them love us. The swords are the beliefs or barriers that we use to “protect’ us from the vulnerability required to fully connect. 

The physical pain, intense nausea, brutally raw emotion, and resulting purging I experienced, unable too peel myself from my kitchen floor Monday, gave me little space to process any of it intellectually. In fact I felt like my brain was simultaneously melting and exploding. I scream cried for help from invisible forces. After what seemed like eternity, no help arrived. I had to actually call someone. Reach out, be vulnerable. I needed help. I could not do this by myself. And someone did come. A literal real person. I received the help. I had nothing left in the way of pride or ego. I was a pulp of a human. Shredded. 

I don’t believe this will be the case for everyone reading this. Not all of us are so hard headed. Before this, I honestly believed I was actually pretty capable and had a good feel for “appropriate boundaries.”  I see now that there was a part of me, the most vulnerable part, that I kept caged and only I saw her. No one else is allowed to see her or take care of her. She was a fragment of me that carried all of my shame, sadness, helplessness, agony of separation. I believed that I was the only one who could love her, that it was no one else’s business to love her. No one else’s mess. I believed she was mine alone. 

Old sadness shattered out, from my divorce, prior depressive, suicidal times, early heartbreaks. They were felt deeply, released, and witnessed. 

Upon reflecting, at 2:00 am, I see now all of the beliefs and behaviors that kept her “safe”and caged. She is my bleeding heart. My swords caused her more pain. The climate of this week brought her right to the surface. I feel I did have a choice at one point, to keep her repressed, but I did scream cry to invisible forces for “help” and in my world, help means healing, not coping or comforting. I got the Help I was looking for. 

Other strange byproducts of this whole fiasco, my head and jaw have completely realigned. I no longer have TMJ and my teeth have completely straightened (my bite was always a bit off) My face is more symmetrical now. I do not feel afraid to write such vulnerable things. My pride feels washed away. My hips feel more balanced as well. That nagging pain in my ovary has seemed to release. 

Do you have a caged bleeding heart, pierced by your own swords of protection? How much pain are you causing yourself by not allowing others to fully see you? How locked in the head are you? Perhaps instead of seeking comfort and moving away from pain next time it begins to bubble up, scream cry for help and rush toward it. It may leave you incapacitated on the floor for a few hours, but all things pass. 

So much love to you, vulnerable and complete humans,

Christina Luna